Me naming that feeling

Something in me feels
Surprise when you say you want to welcome me and keep me safe
Happy when you actually do as you say
Curious about what you’re thinking when you interact with me
Happy when you understand what I’m talking about
Connected to you when I hear you want to be taken care of
Surprise when I realize what I’m feeling
Angry for having no control over my heart
Guilty for feeling what I feel
Ashamed of having feelings for you
Longing to be with you despite everything
Jealousy of others you give your undivided attention to
Anxiety for whenever I hear how you live your life without me
Relief for whenever you share scraps of time with me
Uneasy as my mind replays what-ifs
Excited for taking action
Relieved that I told you the truth
Confused at how you responded
Rejected for what you wanted
Cautious about how I should behave around you
Disgusted that I put my own emotional well-being above your own
Regret for telling you how I feel
Sadness for complicating your life
Loss since things can never be the same again
Dread that I may be alone for the rest of my life
Delusional for thinking maybe you’ll change your mind
Lonely that no one really understands what I’m going through
Pessimistic for whatever the future holds
Exhausted from living my life like this
Deserving of all that has happened to me
Uncertainty as to how the next day will unfold
Hopeless that these feelings will never end
Worried you’ll never see me the way you did before
Afraid whenever we do interact
Afraid of letting you go
Grief for what-ifs that can never be

Teamwork

Just a song for you and me
My resting face may not say it
I want us to be happy
While working together

By word or by action
Let our goals gain traction
At our best so at day’s end
Job done to our satisfaction

Share me your burden
We’re at work sorry no bourbon
Maybe even bare the wounds on your soul
Just so you know you are not alone

Now we’re ready to go–

By word or by action
Let’s complete transactions
Despite the distractions
When done maybe it was even fun

Follow SOPs and improvise the rest
Pass the caffeine my wakefulness digress
Keep routines form the habits to weather storms
Solidify the strategy let “easy going” be the norm

Taking bold steps so we advance
Whatever happens we gave it a chance
Every workday for better or for worse
Committed to see it through

By word or by action
Let us invoke a phrase from Latin
Veni vidi vici
“I came I saw I conquered”
And awaken the Caesar within you

Philosophy

You cannot remember
A time before–
Before parents and friends
Before pets and gifts
Before possibilities became deadends
Before belief in lies spoken by your lips
Your memories are
Of what is after–
Running to and fro
Unburdened and without care
This world you came to know
With reckless abandon all you dared
As bonds of relationships slacken
As bonds of molecules decay
Your current life’s facade cracks then
What was before emerges to your dismay
From darkness we are born
To darkness we are returned
This space between a brief respite from the forlorn–
This space accidental not intentional
This space found and not earned
We are living lost
Waiting to be claimed
Daydreaming of the profound
To be redeemed by the profane

Allow

You’re allowed
To stop singing
To withhold
Whatever feelings
You may have felt
Like sharing
Because the universe
Never cared
Not even for a second–
The tears you’ve shed
Were drops of water
Vaporizing on desert sands
Your laughter unheard
Echoing in empty spaces
You can look up
Thinking someone out there
Watches your every move
But you have no proof
You’re victim of their aloofness–
You are trapped
In your mind
But that’s okay
Your performance is
For no one else
But yourself
Don’t be obliged
To externalize
Whatever’s on the inside–
No one above
Is looking down
To see what
You’re up to
Because they care enough
To notice
No one is directing
The movie
You’re acting in
No one will tell you
They’re done filming
Cameras may be on
But in the end
You’re the only one
Who’s performing
Who’s editing
Who’s watching
Who’s forgetting–
You don’t have to
Play the role
Outlined by the script
No need to audition
With your best material
Neither song
Nor loud performance
Is needed
Because there is
Only apathy

Failure

I want to know
What it means
To be human
To say the wrong things
To do things imperfectly
To speak what the heart feels
To act like my intentions
Are all that matters–
To be reckless
With the truth
Like rocks
Smashing windows
To despair at what I did
Though I knew
What I was doing
To overreach
For connection
Because people
Are social animals
To overshare
Because
One self anecdote
Is not enough
To make a
Good first impression
Because
People eat up
The entire bag of chips
Because the
Single serving
They were offered
Made them want
The whole bag–
I want to know
What it means
To be treasured
Like a commodity
To partake in camaraderie
To feel humanity
Like a cozy sweater in winter
Even though I failed
Empathy tests
All year round