Month: February 2018

I thank you

And when I made my debut
So that everyone knew
The sound of my voice
As determined by word choice

I gave what was said
From way back then
Because the past was worth recalling
As the present was evolving into my future

This blog now involves words of recency
Continued proof of my legitimacy
As a wordsmith still on a journey
Crafting prose and poesy until I’m dead on a gurney

I am grateful that you decided to travel with
The likes of me who likes to play with emotion
As it is evoked through words like a squid
Changing colors to stun predator and prey alike in the ocean

There is much more for me to learn
Of the ways that concern
Creative expression that can deafen
Loud lives meaninglessly distracted–

So if you seek quiet respite in words
That are reflective and well-deserved
Knowing what you are reading
Comes from somewhere vaguely familiar
Please stay the course with me
As I negotiate the path that is humanity

Idea

I carried you when you were only an idea
Then shared the idea with someone else
Hoping you’d be real
Plans were made
About how to bring you here
And how life would be when you arrived
An idea nurtured with love
Later led to a revelation
That you were eventually on your way
As you grew inside
Outside, a litany of names emerged
Outside, a home was terraformed into a sanctuary
Outside, more plans were made
Inside, you began to throw your weight around
As you twisted and jabbed
Reacting to voices that would soon become
Mommy and Daddy and a Dog Named Brutus
You made your presence known
Whenever I looked in the mirror
As I slowly became two
On the day you arrived
You came with a proud fury
As I nudged you with a mother’s agony
Into our world
So little but so mighty
How something so tiny
Can make men like your father cry
And women like me willing to die trying
To protect you
Maybe someday you’ll know the
Joys and heartaches we know
Of your first crawl, steps then falls
Of your first babbles then words
Of dropping you off to kindergarten
Then to prom then the airport
To take a plane to college
Because you so wanted to live on your own
Of late night calls of how you met someone
Of late night calls of how someone else broke your heart
Of messages that something you saw
Reminded you of the time that–
Of messages that you miss us
And how you wished we were there
I hope you someday know
What it means
To see an idea become
Your own flesh and blood

Mellow

I don’t trust
This thing
Beating within my chest
I want my feelings
To just leave me alone–

I wonder what it’s like
To have a heart
That doesn’t leap like a desperately hungry lion?
That doesn’t sink like a block of cement thrown in water?
A heart that is steady in flight
Gradually climbing gradually descending
A heart that burns slowly once it has caught a spark
A heart that cracks rather than breaks

A heart that is mellow

In the rear view

With the work day done
I’ve awaken from
The dream of a cubicled life

No need to pretend
That I can ever be friends
With the girl next door
Or the guy on another floor

I am foolish to think
That I can link
Hard work and small talk
Leading to meaningful relationships

I’ve lied to myself
Friends could be had off-the-shelf
From people paid to be there
When they rather be elsewhere

So I put my gear on one last time
Before I leave my desk behind
Looking to see where the road would lead
Maybe I’d finally find what I need

Shutting the visor closed
My face no one knows
Identity means nothing to me now

With a throttle twist
I do not miss
The tedium of a cubicled life–

One-hundred sixty-two horses pull away
Liter bike brute force under my sway
Leaping car lengths ahead
Exhaust sound inspiring cager dread

The tires grip the road
All its secrets told
Through the feedback in the handlebars

From loneliness I untangle
As I push the bike deeper into the lean angle

All I can hear is the engine
All that is here is my religion

Glancing back at the city in the rear view
I say goodbye at what I ever knew
Hoping to reinvent myself anew
Maybe things will be different tomorrow

Waltz

Pictures told me
Once upon a time where you would be
When you were younger dancing with friends
Parties that seemed to never end
Before career, us, and bedtime stories

So on your birthday
My parents snuck our kids away
And we had dinner
Someplace new–you didn’t have a clue

After I take you next door
To the studio with hardwood floors
A class was in session
Time to make a confession–

“This is not a night club
Like those you used to love
Hanging out with good friends
Back then”

“But we can still dance
If you take a chance
With something slower
Now that we’re older”

The instructor showed us the steps
With each beat what would come next
A sideway glance to me you looked uncomfortably
But it wasn’t just us being clumsy

A class of awkward couples
Like gorillas dragging their knuckles
We were not that much better
But we were learning together

A few hours in
It was time to begin
Big band music soon did start
As well as a tugging at my heart–

I remembered being alone at a singles hangout
Sipping water nervously glancing about
Not sure why I was there
Staying at home I guess I could no longer bear

Then you tap me on the shoulder
You obviously of us the bolder
Tapped me again for I was staring at some plants
“Hey if you’re not waiting for someone would you like to dance–?”

Now I’m back at the studio with you
A song from another era plays and
Time to show off what we now knew
Then I grin and take your hand

“May I have this dance?”

At first you are hesitant
Because it was not like before
But as we waltz some more
You start to smile

The same way you smiled that evening long ago
When you asked the wallflower wannabe
To dance not because you knew where we’d be
Or how things would go

Everyday from then we soon realized
That the path ahead was a wonderful surprise
Even though the ending we did not know

We waltz through many more sets
You pull me a little closer
Then in my ear you whisper
“I’m glad you weren’t waiting for someone else
When we first met”