Phase shift

I think it’s time
To give up now
To lie down
And sleep

I have been going
And going and going
Thinking I would
Get where I needed to be
But I always get
Distracted
And take side trips
Regardless of the consequences

I’ve been trying
To make things fit
Connect the pieces
Into some kind of
Coherent whole
Even though
I wasn’t sure
They were a puzzle
To begin with

I’ve been salvaging
What I could from
What was already done
Even though
I wasn’t sure
What I started with
Was even worth saving

Now
I am so tired
It’s hard to keep
My eyes wide open
The way I used to
As if the world
Was still worthy
Of my attention

I am bone dry
The laughter
I have left
Comes from
A hollow place
The sadness is
Still very real
But there are
No tears to be had

I have fallen down
A long time ago
But only now
Realize that I have
Been crawling the
Rest of the time
Pretending that
I could stand again
And run the way
I did before

And there’s
No hiding anymore
Behind scripted courtesies
And feigned politeness
Everybody can see
That I am different
Than before
Something has
Changed