The Space Between Me and You

Given up
Listening to you
Because the words
You say aren’t real
Raw and unedited
Just agreeable
Sound bites
Tape-delayed

The only way
I can love you
Is through
Deception
Sprinkled in my chores
Subtle gestures I hope
That make you wonder
Box of candy moments
Uncertainty yet
Playful surprises
A radiant smile when
I serve your meals
Fresh linen touched by
Jasmine musk sandalwood citrus
When I change the bedroom sheets
Bite sized compliments
I’ve planted in and
Pickpocketed from
Our brief conversations–
But when I clean up messes
I stumble a bit and
Remember my place
The particles I wipe away
Every day when I work
My heart
Disintegrating
Piece by piece

Useless ghouls
Sidestep their wagons
Through dusty corners
Misaligning wooden wheels
Tagging intersections
With splinters–
Tell the necromancer
The new hires are
Defective and need
To be redone!

Curiosity a tireless monster
Clawing up a mountainside
Searching for what is past the summit
What is beyond the horizon
Each misstep an opportunity for failure
Mountainside landslide jagged fraught
Paradise lost no place for steady footing
Each slip a knife plunged through skin
Until curiosity staggers near the summit
Bleeding out with each step
Staining the snow–

When curiosity finally dies
Something beneath
A festering beast unleashed
No longer held in check
Spreads along the path
That curiosity stalked–

Apathy flows downhill
Gains momentum
Paralyzing everything
Soon a flood that
Drowns the village
That curiosity
Once called home

My heart filled with pain
Distract myself from aching
Words thrown on a page
Not thinking of you–maybe
More empty pages to fill

I’m in New Mexico
But my cell phone
Thinks it’s in
Arizona

Unexpected commotion
Earth has survived
Another rotation
Around the sun again
Maybe this year
All of it will finally end

Some people are intimidated by the
Camaraderie displayed by others–
I am frightened by it because
I’m worried I’ll lose myself
And become more like you
If I try to partake in it

Some people fear the
Intensity of their emotions–
I dread being human because
I can feel everything
Tiny pokes to the heart
Feel like knives
Annoyances that simmer
Reach nuclear criticality
A contentment loses containment
Bursting the dam overflowing drowning

Some people are scared by the informality
The nonsense tossed around like playthings
Words others speak actions others take
That is somehow comforting
Small talk casual conversation
Weather fashion sports gossip
Sarcasm foul humor–
I fear these things because
I can never wield them
As effectively as you

Stuck in a stone?
On loan from some lake lady?
I guess it
Doesn’t matter
How I obtained you
As long as
Everyone agrees
You’re still proof
That I’m the true king

Introductions made
Secret handshakes
Unholy fist bumps exchanged
Then you stare at me
With longing eyes
“Is there something
You need?” I ask
Though I know what is to proceed
All you can mutter are the words–
To know you

To know me indeed!

My heart a necropolis
Graves opened corpses robbed
Trinkets of everlasting hope stolen
Promises of everlasting life broken
My mind a death maze
Possibilities trapped no way out
Paths forever Sisyphean routes
My body an open wound
Oozing defecating escalating
Cause and treatment not found–

“To know me?
Why do you seek
Such a burden?”

Because human
Breath confines you said
Thoughts are prisons you said
Heart stains clarity you said–

Then you grasped all corners
Of your geometry and pulled
Teared and teared some more
Until you laid bare the
Terrible beauty within
And there was nothing

Not even angels wept

And that’s when I knew
You were worthy