Month: February 2018

I just want to play with the words
The way children play with blocks
And see what I come up with
To explore feelings and memories
And revisit people and places
Even if no one else cares
That I’ve been there before
Or have written about a feeling
One too many times
How the words are put together
How the sentences and verses are bolted together
That interests me
Designing monuments utilizing rhyme and meter
Fascinates

It is neither here nor there
Neither before nor after
Neither this nor that
It is the place that exists
When you’re leaving home to find another
It is the moment that cannot be captured
No matter how many photos you take
It is like that emotion
Gnawing on your heart
But doesn’t have a name
Yet feels oddly familiar just the same
It is neither fast nor slow
Like light creeping across the universe
Faster than any human invention but still living multiple lifetimes to span galaxies
It is neither hot nor cold
Like atoms barely moving at absolute zero
As if Buddhist monks holding their breaths
Barely detectable
It is neither alive nor dead
A cat in a shoebox that Schrodinger hasn’t opened yet–
Can’t tell unless he peeks inside
But that would spoil the surprise
It is undecided and unresolved in its ambiguity
It frustrates those looking for answers
It emboldens those dodging questions
Yet without it
Would there be a Now?
A Somewhere?
A Something Else?

What is it like
To see selfless devotion in another’s eyes?
To know that the one you’re with
Adores you?

Would I be fearful of such generosity?
Would I be ashamed because I’m unworthy?
Or that I couldn’t return the sentiment?

I am but a stone in the garden that is your awareness
I am a forgettable thought in your universe of ideas
I am easily dismissed like sand beneath your feet as you walk through the desert
Or overlooked like a puddle you step in during a rainy day
Without fail I am avoided like an obstacle in your path
Your gaze never breaking away from what lies ahead beyond the horizon
Your stride never slowing as you move from now to then–
Even though I am dressed like a giant turkey
And screeching GOBBLE GOBBLE from the top of my lungs!
For you are the epitome of laser-guided focus
The smartest bomb in the room
No nonsense
Take no prisoners
Play for keeps
You are not distracted by my costumed games
Now all I want is my money back
Because you wouldn’t even laugh at me

When I see couples holding hands
And families celebrating in the stands
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

Should I notice parents holding their children tight
And good friends gathering at night
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

When the years have passed me by
Without me knowing a newborn’s cries
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

After many weekends without company
To the point other people test my sanity
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

Lest I crave meaningful companionship
Because I feel anchorless and set adrift
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

When the passion has fled my hobbies
That my sturdy desire to learn becomes wobbly
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

After dodging the disgrace of unplanned single-dom
And my will-to-reach-out eventually undone
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

As I walk the path I thought I knew
Only to be greeted with doubt and self-ridicule
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You–

But how the world before me
Assails the choices I made
Judges a life lived singularly
Rendering me without hope and afraid
And I feel alone
Like I was meant to be that way

What use is loyalty if the Companion-I-Cannot-See
Is un-imaginary only in old stories told by old men?

Lord, I need You to tell me
That where I’m going will be worth the wait
That I will neither be sorry nor late
Convince me that my path has meaning
Whenever my faith felt like it was leaving
Me behind
To chase after You without me
Carry me above the waves crashing ashore
So my footprints in the sand I can see no more
I, whisked away by the Spirit to somewhere promised
Amid saints and sinners alike, my fears dismissed–

All I need is You, Lord
To remind me that what I see ahead of me
May have never been meant for me
Although I wish it mine to begin with
That what is freely given is without strings
And what I let go of may never come back
That the tune today my heart desires to sing
Tomorrow’s melody it may inevitably lack
Because that was Your Plan all along–

All I need to know is
Was I worth it?
Worth all the times I broke
Promises and hearts whenever I stop or start
With carelessly tossed words and actions?
Worth all the mistakes I made
And all the great deeds that would eventually fade?
Worth all the dreams I lived
And all the dreams slept through but never really kept…?

When I try to be all grown-up
Then realize it will never be enough
All I need is You, Lord
All I need is You

For now I finally know my time came and went
What has it all really meant…?
In the end all I needed, Lord
Was You to need me, too

Why did I pick you
To maybe write about
To maybe read my words
Even though I don’t know you?

You say you’re not special
You say you’re not worth my time
You say you don’t like poetic prose
And poetry that doesn’t rhyme

Maybe I want to take a chance on you
Even though you may not take a chance on me
Even though our missed connection you may not rue
Maybe something wonderful in you I see

Perhaps there is beauty in your soul
Or a rich texture in your hard knocked life
“I am not that different” is what I wish you to know
I’ve tasted dishes best served cold and dined on both harmony and strife

With no expectation I bare my words
Wishing them only to be heard
Because I feel you are significant to me
Even though you may not like poetry

I am not surprised
That despite your disguise
You are capable of many things

Despite your cool persona
You sing songs like “My Sharona”
While driving alone in your car

When you joke around
You can be such a clown
But most of us know nothing

Of the depth of your laugh
Your humor is always fully staffed
But on mute so you won’t go too far

You do your best work
Without so much a quirk
That it seems that’s all there is to you

When the job is done
Is when you like to have fun
Like a weight lifting off your shoulders

Short-lived time with longtime friends
But when the weekend intermission ends
You don your game face again on cue

How do I know this?
Your game face I can dismiss
Because I am you only older

I’d write you a poem each day of the year–
But I can’t afford pen and paper
I’d make sure you got home safely from work–
But I don’t even know where you live
I’d go running just to greet you when you walk your dogs–
But I get winded after jogging for five minutes
I’d sing you a song on Valentine’s Day–
But I really hate singing
I’d bake you a cake for your birthday–
But I only have a microwave oven
I’d deliver your favorite lunch to you at work–
But I don’t even know where you work
I’d take you for a ride on a motorcycle–
But I don’t own a motorcycle
I’d like all of your social media posts–
But I don’t even know what social media is
I’d give you a CD of all the songs that remind me of you–
But that would be more expensive than pen and paper
If I could
I’d do all those things
Because it’s the thought that counts right?

My brother is Dragon.
I am Tiger.
He and I should make a movie.
I wonder what it should be called?
Oh, I know.
DRAGON V. TIGER: FENG SHUI BLUES
No? Too wordy?
Oh, I’ll never be a movie producer now!